jeanikyair

It has been a little over a year since we closed; The Red Raven, (Brick & Mortar), Metaphysical Books and Supplies as well as The Red Genie Tattoos... it was time to close... it was beyond time... our dream had become a great sucking black hole... but we were not totally afraid... we had skills.

My thoughts were that since it was The Year of the Water Dragon it was auspicious that sixty year before I was born in the year of the Water Dragon and something special would happen.

A well earned vacation, the first in ten years, reinforced that we still enjoyed each other's company. That was special.

Then we began the process of applying for jobs... everywhere... anywhere... with just enough interviews to keep our hopes up only to have them dashed.

For those of you quick to say: "Whenever one door closes, another opens."

I say: "BULLSHIT!" Sometimes the door is slammed in one's face and the route to the next adventure is through a thicket, up a mountain, across a desert and under a rock!

At least we had our projects...

Kathy taught herself how to build a website and www.redraventreasures.com is the result... she can be proud of her efforts...that was special but it hasn't come close to paying any bills.

People were always telling me I should write a book, truth is I've written several but they were never products of my heart or a statement of something that I believed would change my little corner of the world until I had put two years worth of energy into the book; The Unknowing Apprentice... That was special but...

It would lead to more energy expended getting a kickstarter program going to take the book to publication.... but that fell short and there is still more work to be done.

The bank account emptied... all of Kathy's saving and inheritance was gone just trying to keep us afloat... To make matters worse...money spent on veterinary bills did not save our beloved Shi Tzu, Lily or elder cat Harry.

My coping skills have never been excellent... Avoidance and fantasy the gifts of the storyteller or the result of PTSD? The jury is still out on that.. Alter egos committed to paper the result... much better than my past self destructive behavior...

The Chinese Year of the Snake arrived... wait what happened? My sense of magical entitlement is shattered!

Spring has come and Beltane is coming...

I wake to the voice of the Goddess... "You are not Chinese! You have much to learn! You are still alive and the world has not stopped spinning because you are not happy with what you are doing!"

Awake! Plans are made for a garden, seeds started, overcoming at least a years worth of neglect in the yard can't be realized in one week but it is a start...

Being grateful also a start... grateful that we have made new friends in this last year...grateful we have weathered storms that would have torn other couples asunder...we are loved we love each other deeply... we are grateful to know that this too shall pass.

The reality is this is not the worst thing that has ever happened to either of us...

The reality: this is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us.

The new year is almost here.

This year different from others. So many closures,so few openings.

We did not decorate for the holidays this year.
The only holiday item in our house is a hat on the tiger, Oman.

Are we wallowing in what we have lost? Perhaps a bit.

Are we worried about what is to come? Without a doubt.

I have listened to those who say: "Just keep a positive thought and good things will come to you!"

Really? Tell that to the woman who has a starving child at her breast. Who's negative thinking damned them to this fate.

The escape for those who spout that crap: "Oh, they must have done something wrong in a past life!"

Here's the news and it is not a "Secret"... shit happens that can't be explained or explained away.

We are born with no guarantees.

We can connect with other humans, animals or spiritual beings or not.

There are times when we realize we must let go of everything we have known and time when we look back and say:" I should have let go long ago!"

The hamster running in the wheel....does he think he will get somewhere if he just keeps running or is afraid that he won't know what to do if he stops.

I do not know what the new year will bring.

I will attempt to honor my Goddess as long as I am able, not because I am promised an easy life by doing so or some hollow promise of some sort of afterlife blessing or punishment.

I do this because it is what is right for me and by being selfishly connected... I go on.

As I worked very hard to promote my Kickstarter project so that my book, "The Unknowing Apprentice" would go to print, I am wondering; does anyone read this blog?

Have we become a society where our involvement with others consists of reposting signs with cheeky sayings rather than interacting with our neighbors?

When did the word, "friend" become someone we have never met other than by some electronic fluke.

When was it worth our valuable time to sit and stare at a screen hoping that someone would post something profound?

I pull runes every morning so that I have some sort of focus for the day.

Nauthiz was this morning's first rune and I can honestly say it was not a surprise that on the day I feel most like I failed I should pull a symbol which tells me that I need to review what is really important in my life by separating my wants from my needs. It tells me to accept the realization that the pain that goes with that knowledge will pass, I must embrace the lessons that have been taught to me through this process.

Wisdom is learning from one's failures insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again and expecting different results...How's that for profound.

The Full Blue Moon awaits us.

The moon having no light of her own still shines brightly as she reflects the sun's overwhelming energy. (Magic)

She reminds us that we are a reflection of everyone around us. We shine because we are blessed by those around us who believe in us and the things we have focused our efforts on.

This project is blessed by everyone who has put their energy into seeing it move forward.

The Friends of Maddie are united by the fact that they are not afraid to dream, that a simple story of the possiblility of one living a magical life without wands and spells can make its way into print.

When my children we young "Sesame Street" was new, and seemed to be a wonderful way to teach children the basics of reading and numbers with its faced paced, colorful visual images and cast of fantasy characters that interacted with its human characters.

My son loved counting with The Count. He would count, 1 whooooosh, 2 whooooosh, 3 whoooooosh, 4, 4, 4 Haaaa haaaa haaaa ha. Just like The Count.

My daughter was over stimulated by the frenetic action and frankly, the life sized monsters frightened her.

She was one of the children that found the slow and gentle manner and delivery of Fred Rogers, from "Mister Rogers Neighborhood" entertaining while she learned the messages like kindness toward others and taking time to do things right were as important as one's ABC's.

I see the Harry Potter books as a very Sesame Street way of presenting the magic in the world. Fantastic and stimulating but as un-attainable as a friendship with a grouchy monster living in a trash can.

I see "The Unknowing Apprentice" as presenting the ways of a magical life as Mister Rogers would, showing the connectivity between everything, not just humans or other living beings but the connections and obligations one has to his or her environment.

The main character, Maddie, learns that there are always consequences for one's actions or choices and how to accept that which is beyond one's control.

There is just enough fantasy, (well for those who don't belive that animals can communicate with us), to carry the story along, just like Mister Roger's puppets.

I am hoping that in this age of blurbs, blogs, snippets and sound bites that there is still room for the gentle lessons, wound up in a mystery or two and tied together by characters that live a "Magical" life in a way that is achievable.

When you look up tonight and see the Blue Moon, bask in the blessings of the moment, knowing that there will not be another Blue Moon until 2015 and you are part of this magical world.

Jeani, Maddie and oh yes, Pye the cat.

I am a realist... I ride the waves of life without any sort of boat to carry me to any desitiation of my choosing..

I know that there are many people out there who wish to control their fate through a positive attitude and they feel the need to post things like: "Whenever a door closes a window opens!" or "It's always darkest before the dawn!", as a response to someone's problems.

In my 60 years of life I have learned there is one truth... "Control is an illusion."

Over the years there have been movements, such as the one founded by Norman Vincent Peale, which claimed "The Power of Positive Thinking", can make one's life wonderful.

The name it and claim it movement in the fundimentalist churches, (also called blab it and grab it by those of us not impressed), in the 70's and 80"s was part of the "Revelation" Jim and Tammy Baker used to build their fortunes. (We know how well that worked for them)

The so called "Secret" which popped up not long ago, is just a rehash of the mind over matter doctrines that Mesmer and Mary Baker Eddie used to found movements in the 1800's.

Let's appeal to logic shall we?

Do you really think that all the starving children in the world are starving because they don't have a good attitude?

Are the babies that die before drawing breath responsible for thier negativity?

I won't be so trite as to sum this up in a cliche like: "Shit happens!"

Does our attitude when bad things happens affect us? I think so.

I also believe that there is a bounce back affect that some people label as Karma or Three Fold Law....

I have observed that the lessons that are best learned have come out of the most negative experiences in my life. The situations that are least likely to be repeated are the ones that have caused the most pain, to myself or others.

When one's happiness is conditional to what is going on around them in this world, one must live a very insular exsistance in order not to suffer from a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Rather than telling someone to smile, just share yours.

Take nothing for granted and sincerly express delight in simple things.

There is no guarentees in this life. Living in the moment means constantly asking oneself: "What can I learn from this?"

Many of the lessons that we learn can be shared so that others need not make the same mistakes we make... but realistically, don't be dissappointed if someone doesn't listen to your advice....mostly we share our mistakes as we accept them not really because they can change the Universe.

I am not setting out to pop anyones bubble....Just sharing my observations.

When I wake... If I open my eyes and I know where I am... It is a good day... If I open my eyes and don't know where I am it is a new adventure.

If we are lucky enough to have luxuary of time to contemplate the meaning of our exsistance, while addressing our day to day needs, we can come to our own conclusions or rely on the legends or myths of others as to how and why we are here.

There are many traditions that compare our lives to a tapestry, woven by the Fates. Each person is a single thread whose life span is colored by their postion in the finished cloth. When one thread is cut it effects the entire finished cloth.

I found another way to view life that relates to our modern metaphors, since very few of us are spinners or weavers.

We are all pieces in a giantic jigsaw puzzle.

We have divits and tabs that fit properly in only one small place in the big picture.

We are all very different from every other human being that lives or that has lived before us.

Our unique positions are a combination of the era in which we are born, our genes, our social economic class, our geographic location and our ability to exercise free will but these are only some of the factors that shape us.

The truth of our lives is that we really only can relate to those whose tabs or divits interlock with us directly.

For example; There is little chance that we would be aware of starvation of people half a world away if we didn't have the mass media to inform us of their plight, but we live in a time where we can be unaware of the hunger or our neighbor because we have lost the sense of community that bonds us with each other.

I am reminded of the paintings that are made up of a series of dots or brush stroke that hide the image unless one stands back away from the canvas.

When I look to the Universe for my spiritual place in this life I am admitting that I will never be able to stand back far enough to see the whole picture while trusting that somewhere there is Spiritual Being that can and cares if one piece is missing.

The morning Ritual continues...

My morning ritual would not be complete if I did not remember all who have gone before.

I am careful to break any negative link with the past before I move forward with any ritual but in my daily ritual I honor all who have gone before.

I break the genetic links for disease and afflictions as well as bad habits. I ask that they stop with me so as not to be passed to my children and grandchildren.

...and to all who have gone before I give thanks for the wisdom and the connection to the ancestors.

I reach into the past with love to all to whom I am connected. I ask for your protection and direction. When the time comes that I enter the Shadowlands may I know your names and be welcome.

I ask the lessons of the past to flow through us and out into the world.

As above so below.

A Morning Ritual continues...

The simplist form of ritual. Call upon the Elementals of Earth to be with us today. Give us a firm foundation upon which to build hearth, home and healthy bodies that we may be the hands of the Goddess. Fertile Loam let us nurture the growing things in our charge. Give thanks for Family and Friends. Protect and direct us with love.

Our family includes not just the captives, (house cats) we share our home with but also a large group of orphaned, stray and feral cats that I feed every morning.

They often accompany me as I do my ritual. Some have become so tame that they come up the stairs to eat before the rites are completed.

Lately I have been blessed by a small notch eared (Notchie) that rubs against my legs and purrs loudly. She accepts my touch before she eats. It has taken almost a year to bridge this bond between us and has helped me to appreciate the rewards for patience.

The Water from my window




I am so blessed to look out the window of my porch and see the Bay and the hills which surround her.

Here I connect my water self, a Scorpio born in the year of the water dragon, yes, this year is my year of a full cycle. I will be 60 and I am blessed.

There are times when I hear the sea lions as well as the gulls and my Irish selkie self wants to leap into the icy abyss.

I call upon the Elementals of Water, the cleansing flow I ask to wash away anger, hatred and jealousy. Bathe us in love, compassion and joy and let our words reflect the same.

Give us a depth of feeling that will reach into the world to inspire others with our words and acts of compassion.

I thank you for your presence in our lives and ask for your protection and direction with love.

This morning the low hanging fog reminded me that sometimes our watery emotions can be foggy...I am waiting for the changes that tomorrow will bring with excitement and trepidation.

Morning Ritual continues


I turn in the direction of the South which in my yard is toward a stand of trees which even the slightest breeze moves.

I call upon the Elementals of Air. Winnowing winds blow away the chaff of fear, stress and worry from our minds. Leave behind the seeds of wisdom and understanding. Give us clarity of thought and purpose. Protect and direct us with love.

I try and observe what each direction has to offer at the moment and often I see a winged creature in the sky when I call upon Air...This morning was a Flicker...a bird which beats its head against a tree looking for its next meal...how fitting for me who will be seeking employment soon...The goddess has a wonderful sense of humor...The goddess is just like the god only sometimes she's on the rag....